♥

Choices

2010-04-20T15:27:00.005+08:00

Since I was a kid, I've been able to sleep through anything -- storms, sirens, you name it. Last night, I didn't sleep.

-- Dr. John Dorian, Scrubs, "My First Day"

I wonder why I feel the need to do it now, over a year since my last proper entry in this blog; one week before my final exams of my final undergraduate year; three hours before I have to leave for class, having had no sleep and spending the last number of hours not studying, but this is just something I need to let out.

There will come a time in everyone's life, I believe, when the whole idea of existentialism sort of smacks you right in the face. I remember my experience. (If, provided, existentialism is the right word for it, that is, pardon me if it isn't.) I can't recall my specific age at the time but I couldn't be any older than six or seven. Or maybe it was eight or nine? Anyway, I realised, (I've no idea how I'd come to that realisation -- I guess I was a strange child?), that I was here in this body, looking at the world through this person's view. And I wondered, why is that? I could have been any other person, at any other time, in any other dimension. Why wasn't I born a tree? Why am I seeing the world through this particular point of view? Does that make me special? Is my perspective even consistent with reality? What if, the things I'm seeing, touching, smelling are all delusions that my mind has interpreted to be reality, and, as my child self would've thought: if aliens landed on Earth, would they see what I see the way I see it?

And worst of all: what happens when "I" die? Will there no longer be this ... entity - this soul, if you will - staring at the world through a shell?

This begs the question: what are we here for? In the religious view, we'd say that we're here to serve a higher power, and that this life is merely a test before we move to the next. Scientifically, we could say that we're here to populate the earth, to reproduce and preserve our species and to "connect the circle of life", as King Mufasa so wonderfully phrased it. And those are all such lovely things to believe in, but what of individual purpose? Are our choices, good or bad, meant to bring us to our intended, predetermined destination? That all the regrets, all the hardships, will ultimately bring you to your own sustained self-contentment?

The rest of my life can't compare to this night,
And only the heartaches have given me sight;
They bring me to you.
-- Joshua Radin, "They Bring Me To You"

Or are choices nothing more than choices - if you make a good one, great! But if you make a bad one, well that's just too bad - you'll just have to make do with it and work your way from there; that everything, anything that happened or happens or will happen in your life depends on every single event that takes place; and the simplest turn would change everything? If you're meant to be a hobo, it wouldn't matter whether you reach that path straight away, or whether you spent years of your life studying for a degree and having a successful career but end up losing everything. But if nothing is predetermined, if your book of life is being written as you go along, wouldn't it kill you to think that any single choice you've wrongly made or any single event that failed to occur at any point in your life could have stopped you from becoming a hobo?

It's a scary thing to dwell on, really. Or maybe I shouldn't be dwelling on it at all? I've been reminded once by a good friend that life doesn't come with a manual. I guess I just like things to be certain. I've found myself adopting an all-or-nothing approach in my everyday ventures, where I'll only do something if I'm absolutely certain it'll result in the way I want it to and to distant myself from it if it won't. I suppose you could understand why.

...

2008-10-27T01:32:00.002+08:00

I quit my job.

You can only maintain the illusion that you have your life under control for so long.

a warning sign,
i missed the good part then I realized,
i started looking and the bubble burst,
i started looking for excuses.
-- Coldplay, "Warning Sign"

hey, j-j-jaded

2008-10-13T20:20:00.004+08:00

I think after five years of blogging (more or less), you end up in one of two directions: one, it becomes second nature to you; or two, you kind of get over it. I miss the time when writing acted as a form of release; I was never able to keep my thoughts and emotions in a diary for long, at any age or in any form of paper, but somehow blogging worked.

It's funny, really, because it's not so much of "I have nothing to write about", it's more..."I don't see the point". Way back when, it made me feel better -- it made me feel accomplished, to write about a movie I saw, or to sit down and take a minute to reflect about the things that have been going on in my life: something as superficial as an outing with friends, or something as affecting as my emotional problems, and articulate them. It was a medium of escape, it was a wake up call: it's only when you learn to admit something that you learn to solve it. It sometimes felt like, without taking the time to reflect-and-write, I wouldn't really know what goes on in my own head.

I envy people who see past the surface: people who feel everything, whether good or bad. A day in college isn't just a day in college to them. No, it was a better day than yesterday, because the lecture was slightly more bearable, or because they had a good talk with a friend, or maybe it was a really crappy day, and they whip out their mp3 player to play the loudest, angriest song in it which in turn make them even angrier, and yet these little things were good enough to make them decide to wake up the next day instead of falling into oblivion. They were good enough.

I feel like I'm cruising my own life through a bird's eye view. One day after another, with an empty void where my thoughts should be and a brick wall where my emotions should be. I seem normal enough: I go about my daily life, I don't alienate myself from the people around me, I laugh, I cry, and yet, somewhere at the end of the line I find myself asking, "Why?"

Why do I get out of bed every morning?
(or afternoon or evening, whatever. ;p)

Isn't having purpose, or some perspective of it, what makes us human? What happens if you don't even have that? I feel like I'm wasting my life away. Not because I'm not experiencing things, but because I'm not feeling my experiences.

I don't even know if this is making sense. Maybe I'm just "over-thinking" things. Oh, the irony. :)

nothing unusual, nothing's changed,
just a little older, that's all,
you know when you've found it,
there's something i've learned,
'cause you feel it when they take it away.
-- Damien Rice, "Amie"

P.S. If my life was a movie, most of the soundtrack would be Damien Rice. ♥

P.P.S. I found an almost similar entry here, from like, almost exactly a year ago. Interesting.

P.P.P.S.

Happy birthday again, Kak Chin! ♥

i'll be seeing you ♥

2008-09-30T13:37:00.005+08:00

For the first day of Law school,
for our first date,
for the traffic light opposite Universiti Station,
for all the late nights in McDonald's KJ,
for all the driving around aimlessly at night,
for all the times you spent with my family, and
for all the times I spent with yours,
for all the times I've been impatient with you, and
for all the times you've been patient with me,
for all the endless arguing, and
for all the times they got out of hand, and
for all the times everything was okay in the end,
for all the sneaking around,
for all the plans we made, and
for all the plans we never got to follow,
for all the staying up, and
for all the sleeping in,
for all the times we spent together, and
for all the times we were away from each other,
for all the sweat,
for all the tears (the many gallons of tears),
for all the money spent, and
for all the hours lost,
for anything and everything that we went through for the last nine and half months.

A little over a year ago I never thought I'd be doing Law. I never thought I'd be going to Taylor's. I never thought I would meet you.

Do take care of yourself and remember that we're all waiting for you back home.

I love you.

hands down, this is the best day i can ever remember,
always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair,
that you twirled in your fingers,
and the time on the clock, when we realized "it's so late!"
and this walk that we share together.
-- Dashboard Confessional, "Hands Down"

fourteen hours to takeoff

2008-09-29T22:09:00.004+08:00

I hate that you're clearly dealing with this better than I am.

so you're gone and i'm haunted,
and i bet you are just fine.
-- A Fine Frenzy, "Almost Lover"

october 7th :(

2008-09-28T02:29:00.005+08:00

Got back home around fifteen minutes ago to find an envelope with the timetable for the upcoming year.

DO. NOT. WANT.

and the rangers scream out to the cabins,
they are the hunters, we are the rabbits, and
maybe we don't want to be found,
maybe we don't want you tracking us down.
-- A Fine Frenzy, "Rangers"

stalking is fun, until you're the one being stalked

2008-09-27T03:02:00.003+08:00

I think I may have gotten myself a stalker.

Today at work this big black guy came to me and asked for a Nokia charger and I most charmingly said that I didn't have one; none of us there did. Then he started talking and asking for my name and stuff, and it went on for a while, and the people I worked with thought that he was a college friend or something because we must've looked really friendly with each other, when in reality I was just trying to amuse him without seeming aloof or too paranoid. But when he started insisting for my number and saying things like liking my body (he said "stature", though) and that he's been looking for someone like me, I was desperately trying to find a way out of the conversation. When a customer made her way to the fitting room I was - for once - glad that none of the other staff were covering, so I excused myself and when I turned, thank God, he was gone.

So then I had to go to the ladies' and caught a glimpse of him at the Theobroma's opposite where I work. While making my way back, I saw him: still sitting at the table right smack in front of the entrance to Dorothy Perkins, and he must have called my name because when I got in to tell my senior about what just happened, she pointed behind me and there he was, making a scene and going all, "I just wanted to tell you I got a charger!" and I, trying to put the situation (and my dignity) under control, said, "Oh, really? From where?" but he kept rambling about how he just wanted to tell me he got a charger, and left. My senior said that after I left for the ladies' he came back and asked for me. When I didn't want to give him my number before, he said that he would come visit me everyday until he gets it.

Erm, CREEPY MUCH?

I don't know if he was drunk, or like, doing it for a dare, or just plain creepy, but come on! I just ate two bowls of laksa, some rice and like, twelve sotongs for buka and I was wearing glasses*, for God's sake! So not sexy/stalker-worthy!

I doubt he'll show up again, but I'm still kinda iffed. :S

what'cha doin’ tonight?
i wish i could be a fly on your wall.
-- Clay Aiken, "Invisible"

* I don't know if it's low self-esteem or pure fact, but I think I'm really, really fug in glasses. I'm really short-sighted, so I absolutely have to wear glasses/contacts if I don't want to run into a wall, but I only go out in glasses when I really need to, like if my eyes are dry or I haven't renewed my contacts. I'm always less confident if I'm out wearing glasses: I'd make less of an effort trying to prettify myself, I'd generally feel slightly more morose, and every time someone remotely more attractive than me talks to me or passes by me I'll feel like hiding under a rock. Is that normal?

when i was small i used to wish video calls were real

2008-09-05T01:30:00.007+08:00

Add me on Skype, y'all.
(yuffie.hani)

i can feel everything you do,
hear everything you say,
even when you're miles away.
-- KT Tunstall, "Universe & U"

ramadhan al-mubarak

2008-09-01T07:23:00.003+08:00

Selamat berpuasa, guys. ♥
Hope y'all had a good first sahur.

The first day and I'll be buka-ing at work. :(
Luckily I'll be bringing homecooked food. :)

i'm so resistant to this type of thinking,
oh, now it's shining through.
-- Howie Day, "Ghost"

all the hours i should be sleeping i spend doing this

2008-08-22T05:06:00.007+08:00

Stolen from Rina.

1. The age you'll be on your next birthday:

2. A place you'd like to travel to:

3. Your favourite place:

4. Your favourite food:

5. Your favourite pet:

6. Your favourite colour combination:

7. Your favorite piece of clothing:

8. Your all-time favourite song:

I don't have an ~all-time favourite~, but this is the next best thing. It's the only song I can never get sick of and I tend to get sick of songs pretty easily, no matter how much I want to marry and have kids with them at one time.

9. Your favourite TV show:

10. First name of your significant other/crush:

11. The town you live in:

Is this the view from where you live, Ernie bb? I'm still crazy about your view.

12. Your first job:

* All images were taken from Flickr and are © their respective owners. :)

take time to realize
this all can pass you by.
-- Colbie Caillat, "Realize"

b.l.t. = bacon, lettuce and tomatoes

2008-08-17T04:49:00.006+08:00

I shall be cooking dinner on Monday.

Yes, me.

I'll have you know that I make excellent mashed potatoes - kudos to Dea for the recipe - and I made a brinner (that's breakfast-for-dinner for non-Scrubs fans) meal of mashed potatoes, sausages and cheese omelette (okay, so the omelette hancur a la that scene in Spider-man 3, so it morphed itself into scrambled eggs), so I'm not completely incompetent.

But this time, it's going to be a proper meal; complete with an appetizer and dessert. And like, NO RICE!!! I'm very Melayu, I can't go a day without rice. Like, you could feed me all the stuffed mushrooms and peperroni pizza from Itallianies for dinner and in a few hours my stomach will be craving rice. And it has to be rice, not just any form of carbs; I don't eat noodles, not unless I absolutely have to, and it has to be white rice, boiled in a rice cooker. No nasi goreng or nasi beriyani or any other variation. Nasi lemak is o-kay for like, a light snack. Or breakfast. But that's it. I don't know if it's psychological or if I'm just that much of a picky-eater. I'm just afraid I might need to bring a rice cooker all the way to Reading next year. :p

Anyway, I'm sidetracking. Let's just hope nothing burns, shall we? I'm actually really excited.

"you got brinner?! dayumn!"
-- Dr. Bob Kelso, Scrubs

so it's august...

2008-08-13T01:45:00.013+08:00

...which means it's almost October. Which means summer's almost over.

But I don't want to face Law School/Taylor's/the shit that comes with it/the fact that some people are leaving.

Now what?

"i like to dissect girls.
did you know i'm utterly insane?"
-- Patrick Bateman, American Psycho*

* It's a 2000 movie starring Christian Bale. This film is true to its name - it's psychotic. Utterly psychotic - and is probably the darkest of dark comedies. I didn't particularly enjoy it because the violence and sex were a little too much to swallow (God, I sound so obsolete) and the ending was such a mindfuck; I deleted it right after I finished watching it a few months ago, but I just downloaded it again and you know why? Because Christian was hot as hell in it. Aside from the explicitness, I must admit that it's a very well-made, well-acted movie. If you're open enough/into black comedy/love C. Bale/I'd totally recommend it. It's just one of those extremely-disturbing-but-still-so-good movies that you need to see, e.g. Requiem For A Dream, Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer and whatnots. Speaking of which, anyone want to recommend me a extremely-disturbing-but-still-so-good movie?

SRSLY THOUGH, WHY DON'T ANY OF YOU GO ~BAT CRAZY~ OVER HIS FANGS?!? THEY SO HOT I TELLZ U. I ONLY KNOW ONE OTHER PERSON WHO THINKS HIS TEETH ARE SEXY AS HELL AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HIM TOO MUCH.

girl power, much?

2008-08-07T03:21:00.010+08:00

You can laugh all you want, but I'm downloading both of Lindsay Lohan's albums. Blame it on the store for playing a copy of her second CD, or the fact that I just re-watched Mean Girls.

Regina George (Rachel McAdams, Means Girls), Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone, Clueless) and Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon, Legally Blonde) - don't you just adore them?

Okay, so I make fun of/look down upon people who watch ~shallow~ movies, but honey, these movies ain't shallow fo sho. I hardly ever watch teen movies/chic flicks and I often stay away from romantic comedies, but these three are classic. ♥

On a work-related note, I hate old Chinese women who throw a tantrum because they can't fit their fat asses into a pair of jeans that they're too old to pull off anyway. And I hate bitches who can't read: there are at least three signs telling you that you're at the Maternity section; the hangers are grey instead of black with "MATERNITY" written on them; the price tags have "MATERNITY" written on them; AND OH YEAH, there are two mannequins with PREGGO TUMMIES there, and yet it's only after they try the clothes on that they'll realize.

But the winner would be-
Bitch A: It's loose. D':
Me: Lol yeah. It's Maternity. :)
Bitch A: What?
Me: It's...Maternity.
Bitch A: Meaning?
Me: You know...maternity? Pregnant? *mimes being pregnant*
Bitch A: :/?
Me: *points at pregnant mannequins*
Bitch A: OH! I'm not pregnaaaaant.

Best part? It was her fucking boyfriend that picked the Maternity pants for her to try on. So they're equally uneducated. What a great pair.

Another bitch-
Bitch B: *after trying on a dress* Do you have new one for this?
Me: No sorry, that's the last one for that size.
Bitch B: This one dirty.
Me: *looks* Yeah, it's foundation. Somebody probably got it there when they tried it on.
Bitch B: It's dirty.
Me: Yeah. :/ But you can just wash it off easily. :)
Bitch B: But then I have to send it for dry cleaning. *sigh* You can't do anything? I don't want to pay RM150 for this...dirty dress.
Me: Lol. Sorry, we don't provide those type of services.
Bitch B: *sigh* You really cannot do anything? Cannot give me 10% discount?
Me: Lol, no we can't. Sorry. But you can just wash it off.
Bitch B: *sigh* Okay. *goes to counter and asks the same question to staff at counter*

WTF WOMAN??! What do you think this is, a pasar malam? Dry cleaners your fucking foot! It's just a few foundation stains (God knows how foundation got on the skirt of the dress. Did another bitch wipe her face with it?) on cotton satin, ever heard of a damp cloth? And hey, if you don't want to pay RM150 for a ~dirty dress~ then how about...not? At least she ended up buying it, she's useful enough to give us her money.

Oh, and there was a bitch who tore out the price tag of a normal-priced skirt, tore out the price tag of a half-off item and put it on the skirt. Then took it to the counter to pay. Nice try, slut, how about conning a store big enough that we can't see where everything is and remember what items are or aren't on sale? The place she took the skirt from was right opposite the counter, for God's sake. (And no, it wasn't ~wrongly tagged~ as people like my sister would prefer to believe; we've checked, and there was evidence of tampering.)

Still, everything beats the kind of customers I had to deal with back in GSC, one of them almost made me cry and I probably would've if I wasn't rescued. Besides, save for the occasional crazy ass bitches, I still enjoy this job. :P

OH! One bitch TRIED ON AN EARRING. For the love of God, have you ever been inside a store that sells earrings, you disgusting whore?

"but you're like, really pretty."
"thank you."
"so you agree?"
"what?"
"you think you're really pretty?"
"oh...i don't know."
"oh my god, i love your bracelet, where did you get it?"
-- Regina George and Cady Heron, Mean Girls

now i'm running and screaming

2008-07-31T02:10:00.006+08:00

Omg, acoustic "Hero/Heroine" is just...gah! ♥
I don't know why I love this band so much, I just do. D':
And now I'm in love with the song all over again.

Omg, ~nostalgia~.

i never thought that you could break me apart,
i keep a sinister smile and a hole in my heart,
you want to get inside, then you can get in line,
but not this time.
-- Boys Like Girls, "Hero/Heroine"

finally (in a less enthusiastic way)

2008-07-30T19:29:00.007+08:00

It's my first day off. :')

I went to Miss Selfridge yesterday and I want every single dress they're selling right now, plzkthx. Look how pretty! D: This looked great on me, juz so u noe.

santa baby, a '54 convertible too, light blue.
-- Calista Flockhart, "Santa Baby"

retail therapy, reversed

2008-07-27T22:29:00.010+08:00

First of all, HEADER! :D (teehee Daniel big-haired red-faced giggly kitty cat frame)

I has been working for thee last three days. It's a slow death for my poor little feet, but it's been awesome. :)

I'm weird in the way that, the more occupied/hectic my life is, the more I appreciate it. I guess it's possible to be tired of being relaxed? (My life is full of oxymoron - I love it.) I actually like coming home now. (Gasp!) I love how I hardly have enough time to check my mail when usually, I could spend countless hours on the laptop. I love that by the end of the day, I'm so exhausted I would go straight to bed. I love that I pack egg mayo from home instead of going to all my favourite food places to eat. I love that, with my colleagues/superiors and I, what started out as awkwardness dissolves into jokes and random chatter after two days. And sure, it may suck that I hardly get to see/spend time with My Two Special Little Boys (the nephew and the boyfriend. Or the boyfriend and the nephew. Whichever.) now, but it's times like these that make every moment significant. (Too cheesy? No?)

Or, I don't know, maybe it's not something weird or oxymoronic. (That's not a word.) Maybe everyone is that way? Either way, I doubt I'd feel this way if I decided to go with a law firm attachment instead of a part-time-job-at-the-mall. I prefer being surrounded by pretty clothes + standing for 8-10 hours in pumps + zipping up a dress on a stranger to law paperwork + being someone else's lackey + more law paperwork + the possibility of not getting paid/~doing it for the experience~.

Anyway, the plan was to keep working even when school's started. Oh yes, I've got enough balls to even think of attempting to juggle life as a second year law student, editor-in-chief for a legal editorial and sales coordinator all at once, with enough dough to make me fat and a First Class Honours in my pocket by the end of the day. "Aim for the moon. Even if you fall, you will land among the stars", plzkthx. (Haha, quote from high school.)

i keep my life on a heavy rotation,
requesting that it's lifting you up, up, up and away.
-- Jason Mraz, "Make It Mine"

it had to be said.

2008-07-23T04:55:00.007+08:00

This post will be about The Dark Knight (TDK), a.k.a. The Two-and-a-Half Hour Movie About an Almost Never Ending String of Violent Events That Pretends to Be a Batman Movie.

If you haven't seen it and do not want to be spoiled, do not proceed. If you've seen it and love it to death and are one of the people who would ~slaughter~ (you see what I just did there?) anybody who dares not to like it, do not proceed. If you don't really care for a very long post about a movie, do not proceed.

Since I'm lazy and not very articulate, I will just copy-and-paste snippets from a few reviews that I completely agree with (I hope I'm not doing anything wrong?):

The worst part about this film, and the thing that I keep harping on, is that it is not fantasy. It is not a superhero movie. It is a cop drama. The Joker is kind out of control, and Batman wears a suit, but otherwise its just an action movie starring Vin Diesel.

I like superhero movies. I do not like cop dramas. I do not like shoot-em-up, blow-em-up action flicks. I feel like I have been duped into spending money on a film that I would not have gone to had it not had a character named Batman.

True that. The Joker threatens/kills people, cops chase after him, bang bang boom, Joker escapes. It's the same fucking atmosphere for the whole. fucking. movie.

Soundtrack: Take the Batman Begins soundtrack, copy and paste it and...voila, you're done. Cinematography: Uninspired, somehow it looks dated, like a movie from the mid 90's, like some Die Hard mediocre action flick. Same comment for editing. Location: Since when is Gotham Chicago? Who had that brilliant idea and who approved that? Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.

The "soundtrack"? It's a single musical note, used in almost every scene, supposedly to create ~suspense!!!~. Yeah...no. And good God, the editing/pacing. I wanted to cry.

Two face is an oddball. An oddball of creation, of reaction and of evolution. His arch is a forced effort by Nolan. It doesn't make sense for him to kill Gordon's family. Dent himself commented that he knew his job was dangerous. He knew that there were bad people after him. Why the sudden transformation when this happened? The transformation of Two face was based on the premise of his philosophical awakening.. That to believe in chance... is to believe in chaos... but i cant believe this would cause such an explosive change in him... willing to kill a child. It doesn't make sense. Two face as caricature was not near as engaging or entertaining.

"You're gonna die...just like Rachel did!" "You're gonna suffer...just like Rachel did!" "I trusted that you would put Rachel away safely but through no fault of your own, The Joker killed her and for that, your innocent child will die!" ...Sure, dude.

- Poor character development. With the possible exception of Harvey's character development (which was too rushed) you don't really feel any sense of growth, change, or evolution of the characters. In each of the many acts in this film, the same conflicts are presented over and over - the characters are stuck in a loop - the main thing that changes are the locations and who gets blown up. In some cases you have no idea what the motivations of the characters are. The Joker is insane, maniacal, twisted... but ultimately with no explanation of why he does what he does. Shocking behavior without a point is... well, pointless.

- Poor storyline development. There is no beginning middle and end. Nothing is actually resolved (aside from the fate of a few characters); again it's just a series of loosely strung together conflicts that happen over and over again in various iterations during the course of 2.5 hours. The ending is very unsatisfying as there is no sense of resolution.

Terrible writing/editing/pacing. Characters without any depth whatsoever, just a bunch of people stuck in a never ending string of disasters.

Plot's a mess. Script was written by the director and his brother. It feels like the two pontificated and out-clevered themselves into writing a script that 1) tries to crams in *way* too much material and 2) feels awkward, meandering, preachy, and more interested in ideas than in characters or stories.

No coherent storyarc; pacing is wrong. About halfway through the movie, there's a big death scene that in any other movie would have been part of the movie climax. But here, it's just another in an ongoing string of disasters. You have no idea where the movie's going after that; it devolves into one threat/action scene after another.

Movie goes on far too long (people were muttering thru the last half, in my theater) and then just -- stops. No sense of triumph or closure; just another limp failure. One guy behind me said, "Well, whatever. I need a beer."

Again, the terrible writing/editing/pacing.

And the plot itself?

I get it, sometimes being a hero is not about being glorified, but taking the fall. That IS a superhero in a nutshell....and the development of that idea was good....but....it seemed like there was way too much work throughout the movie to arrive at something so.......... simple.

and

Everywhere in the film, actors are saying "This is wrong-headed, illegal, untruthful, patronizing to the citizenry, and an abuse of power... but we're in a dark, scary time so it's OK for now." Art imitates life, eh! I felt deeply ill.

Um, what plot?

I would also like to add:

1. Not putting any music during the ~car chase~ scene was a horrible, horrible, horrible idea. Did I accidentally walk into an episode of "World's Worst Police Videos" by mistake or did the film makers forget to put it in while they were editing the movie? Because, you know, they were too busy trying to fit in every Joker scene in it, they probably overlooked that.

2. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF CILLIAN MURPHY/THE SCARECROW'S APPEARANCE????????????????????????

3. The film reminded me of the abomination that was Spider-man 3. The whole messy plot, too-many-things-happening-at-one-time, dragged-for-too-long thing it had going on and the lack of chemistry between the characters. YES, I SAID IT.

4. The Joker in a nurse costume. Cheap laughs, anyone? They even gave him a few close-ups just to remind you how funny it's supposed to be. Thank you, Daniel dear, for going "shhhh!" at the noisy bitches beside you. :') They were the only ones laughing in the entire cinema, srsly.

5. This is more Malaysia's fault, but while buying the tickets, I said, "why is this movie rated U?" After seeing the movie...well, a homicidal psychopath with creepy clown make up, a homicidal psychopath with a burned (albeit, unrealistic) face that would give any child nightmares, pointing a gun at a child. Yep, definitely a U movie.

6. The bank robbery scene in the beginning was pretty cool, but was The Joker being the last man when everyone was killing everybody supposed to be a surprise? I saw that coming a mile away.

7. The "social experiment" with the boat and the choice-making would have been a suspenseful, memorable scene and the result of it would have made you cheer. But it was nothing of the sort; just another part of the string of never ending events.

8. I'm curious to know how this movie would have done if Heath Ledger hadn't died. Would there have been less The Joker scenes in the final edit? The movie would still earn millions of bucks due to the advertising, the Batman franchise and the success of Batman Begins, but would it have gotten so much...praise? Guess I'll never know.

9.

After having seen the movie, I am blown away... by the 30-something pages (at present) of cloned reviews stating that The Dark Knight is "a masterpiece" "an instant classic" "epic" "better than the hype" "legendary" "oscar-worthy", etc. It wouldn't bother me so much except all 30 pages of reviews say *exactly* the same contrived things. Not until after you get past these "glowing" marketing reviews, do you see 10 pages of real honest reviews buried in the back. The real tragedy is that I used to feel that this website was credible, but now I'm not so sure. A few hundred picture perfect reviews here are worth multiple millions in next weekend's ticket sales. That's an easy decision for a marketing department to make.

The Dark Knight ruined IMDb.com for me. How dare it.

Still, it wasn't all bad. There were a few pros:

1. Maggie Gyllenhaal dying. This is awesome because: (i) It's refreshing for the superhero love interest to die, even though she was so confident about being saved. (ii) I've always hated Maggie Gyllenhaal. (iii) I hate her as Rachel Dawes even more. She was so goddamn DULL. She brought nothing to the movie. NOTHING. NOTHING. Sure, Katie Holmes was a mediocre actor, but she was believable as the childhood friend/supportive love interest/ I-can't-love-you-as-long-as-you're-a-superhero type. Maggie-Rachel was a bored old lady with zero emotional reaction to everything that's happening around her. Even her death was shot as an "oh...okay." scene. Oh, and at least Katie was cute. "Hello, beautiful"? Honest to God, this was one of the very, very few moments in the movie that made me want to laugh. The Joker is psychotic and sarcastic!

2. The pencil magic trick. Frankly, this was the only thing in the movie that made me understand the whole "OMG THE JOKER IS SO PSYCHOTIC - IT'S SO COOL!" hype that everyone and their grandmothers are raving about.

3. The letter. And Alfred deciding not to let Bruce read it.

4. The cellphone sonar thing self-disrupting after it served its purpose. Although the cellphone sonar thing itself is idiotic.

5. Christian Bale. I may have hated the movie, and he was pretty wooden in it, and the ~deep Batman voice~ shit was so bad it was distracting, and he didn't really get much face time (because, you know, this movie is about The Joker/The Gotham Police Force/Harvey Dent...no, wait!), but bb, I still want to run my tongue along your itty bitty little fangs.

Oh, you sexy sexy British man and your sexy sexy British teeth. Yes, you with your pouty-lipped, weird-tongue-movement way of speaking.

6. Lastly, I managed not to fall asleep. I deserve a pat in the back. :')

I didn't particularly enjoy Batman Begins the first or second time I saw it, but after seeing this? Begins was far superior. Batman Returns will remain my favourite Batman movie (and I'm not even a fan of the franchise), and I am not being ~blasphemous~ to Christopher Nolan for hating TDK because my excessive love for The Prestige is enough to compensate.

To be fair/objective, TDK was a decent film. Even though I didn't love Begins, I could understand why people do. I do not understand the hype that surrounds TDK and the Best Movie Of All Time title that it received, hence the I've-got-my-panties-in-a-bunch hate I'm giving it.

And I'm done. :)

"now you're looking for the secret.
but you wont find it because of course,
you're not really looking.
you don't really want to work it out.
you want to be fooled."
-- John Cutter, The Prestige

on relationship limbo

2008-07-13T12:52:00.001+08:00

When something is "too good to be true", you can bet your life that that's what it is. Of course, you're the stupid one for thinking that good things ever come easy.

wanted!

2008-07-09T18:47:00.004+08:00

I saw Wanted last week. I fell asleep when Angelina Jolie started getting less screen time and the dialogue dissolved into full-blown action scenes. I woke up just in time to find out the twist (I love my psyche), fell asleep, and woke up just in time for the ending (again, love my psyche).

I feel so disappointed. I was so excited about this and the beginning started out so good. Still, I'm pretty sure the full-fledged action scenes were very well done, as far as full-fledged action scenes go. But Daniel (who saw the whole movie and has nothing against action movies) said the ending ruined it. The twist was rather half-assed, I agree. But this was one stylish movie. I'm willing to give it three and a half popcorns based on the first half alone. Watch it for its stylishness. ♥ And for Angie being a hot-ass, skinny-bitch assassin lady. And for Morgan Freeman being...Morgan Freeman. Just don't forget to cringe when Angie kisses someone as fugly as James McAvoy. :x

"sadly, it's only in the movies where
the pretty girl ends up with the uggo."
-- Dr. Bob Kelso, Scrubs

P.S. I find it odd that I'm wayyy more interested in Angie than Daniel is. Then again, that man has bad taste in women. Well, aside from me, of course. But he only says I'm pretty when I put him under duress, so yes, he does have bad taste in women.

job-hunting!

2008-06-29T22:18:00.005+08:00

I mustered the courage to call B again about an internship (the first time I called, HR didn't answer): they told me I needed a "letter from school" to apply. Say what? And there I was getting my resumé ready and writing a cover letter! Now I have to call Taylor's? I really hope I don't have to ask for one from Ms. Rajes (the Law Programme Director) because I don't think she'd be too happy if she finds out that I'm hoping to intern somewhere other than a law firm or an NGO or anywhere that has something to do with what I'm studying. Or maybe she'd be okay, I don't know, I just don't want to have to explain myself.

I suppose I'll call Taylor's tomorrow and pray that the college has some sort of generic letter for internships instead of having to ask the faculties to write them personally. Oh, God.

On a brighter note, my boss from my freelance graphic designing days said he'll give me a call if he has a job for me. :) To quote Dannypoo: "Ouhh. Money."

Also, thanks to Dannypoo, I was finally brave enough to ask for an application form from G. They told me that they'll get back to me in a week, which means this Friday.

Wish me luck?

everywhere you go, perfection
follows you the wrong direction.
-- Tyler Hilton, "Glad"

P.S. The places were not metioned because I don't want to jinx it. I'm superstitious like that.

so i sort of ran away from home

2008-06-28T01:41:00.020+08:00

Sort of. It was a spur of the moment, I-can't-take-it-anymore kind of thing.

It wouldn't have made any difference; all it did was get my mum worried like hell (which was something I took steps to try to evade, but it backfired on me). I just wanted out. I needed out.

I remember a friend casually asking me, "is there a lot to be depressed about?"

Yes, there is. Most of it has to do with being part of this screwed up family for the last 19 years. I guess everyone else has their own way of coping with everything: most choose not to care, which I suppose fits well with their personalities. My mother, typically defeated, chooses to ignore such "disruptions", just like you would a corn on your foot. It hurts when you walk, but it's been there so long that you're left partly-immune to the pain and partly-unbothered, only temporarily mending it when you're hit with an unusual pang, like if you stepped on something sharp. You never thought to get it removed completely - it was too bothersome, too costly, too not worth the trouble, too late anyway.

I'm more likely to bottle everything up. Put on a smile when I needed to, fake my way through and move on. Throw a tantrum once in a while for everyone to get the picture. (But of course, it wouldn't make a difference.) So I learned to numb myself, to isolate myself from everything around me. Sleeping for preposterous lengths at a time helps: it gives me that sense of isolation, that sense of freedom from the world and its flaws, of relief. But numbing yourself tends to leave you just that: numb. Mentally, emotionally, physically.

And then there'll be instances when an event, so trivial under normal circumstances, causes a spark in your brain. You're no longer numb on the inside, the shit you had to go through in the past flash right in front of your eyes, your fragile being feels threatened. You need to do something.

Anything.

I'm at home now, at least.
I'm really lucky to have you to count on. :')

come on, oh my star is fading,
and i see no chance of release,
and i know i'm dead on the surface,
but i'm screaming underneath.
-- Coldplay, "Amsterdam"

P.S. That was one crazy ass party. I hope everyone got home safely? :/

jam-packed with action-packed action

2008-06-26T03:51:00.026+08:00

1. Last week I had a really bad tummy ache: diarrhea thrice and I threw up twice in a day (my puke was gross, two parts water and one part digested kangkung - not that you asked); my temperature was up the walls. I couldn't take it anymore in the end, so I got my mum to take me to SJMC at 1 am, only to have to wait excruciatingly for an hour an half in the ER until Dr. Nice Guy could finally see me. (Daniel was nice enough to offer to come - I refused - so he stayed up to entertain via sms.) He sent me home with a viral infection diagnosis, a shot on my pretty butt and like, five different meds.

2. I watched The Incredible Hulk with a friend I haven't seen since college. It was okay. I hated 2003's Hulk (I don't remember much about it except a lame Hulk-fights-dogs scene, and the fact that I hated the movie) but I didn't hate this one. I actually really like how it addressed the issue with Bruce's clothes when he turns into the Hulk; one of the things that bother me most about the 2003 version was the ~magical pants~ that gain and drop a few hundred sizes every time he transforms back and forth. I also enjoyed how the film didn't "start at the beginning" (I read that it was Ed Norton's idea?) and the inside jokes/cameos. Still not a big fan of the Hulk, but it was a decent film.

3. I saw Indy 4 last night because my mum wanted to catch it before they stopped screening it - so that makes 43 movies in my 80 Movies in 08 list. It was...entertaining, to say the least, but in terms of film-making (writing, CGI, etc.), it was leaning more towards the rubbishy side. Did anyone else notice how things have an affinity towards Shia's crotch?

4. I'm probably the last person to see Iron Man. Loved it, of course. It was quite reminiscent of the first Spider-man movie, actually, and now I feel like watching the Spidey movies all over again (I could probably skip the third, it was an abomination).

5. I still need to see The Happening. Also, Wanted opens today! I want to see! Angelina Jolie! Firing guns! In curves! With bullets that have writing carved on them! Angelina Jolie! ♥

6. Having said these, I'm really not a fan of action movies. The tagline I throw around is, "I don't watch action movies*. I fell asleep through 98% of Die Hard 4.0 and during the final fighting scene in Transformers". That statement still holds true, but with the exception of remakes of action movies I thought were shitty (The Incredible Hulk), action movies that get a good review from virtually everybody (Iron Man) and their sequels (The Dark Knight for Batman Begins), action movies starring actors I care about (Robert Downey, Jr. in Iron Man, Angelina Jolie in Wanted, Will Smith in Hancock) and the Spider-man films.

7. On a final note, I need a job. I'm flat broke. Like I'm not all the time, no?

"this story,
like all stories worth telling,
is about a girl."
-- Peter Parker, Spider-man

* I also don't watch most romantic comedies (Made Of Honor), movies starring actors I can't stand looking at (Patrick Dempsey in Made Of Honor), most comedies (Get Smart) and most American horror movies (Prom Night).

my results...weren't so bad :)

2008-06-17T14:26:00.016+08:00

I went to bed at 5 AM and I still couldn't get in, naturally. I woke up around 9.30 with a text from my classmate telling me that I could check the results now.

Half a minute with a rapid pumping heart and sweaty palms later, I found out that I passed all six subjects. My mum was ecstatic- she knows better than anyone else how disgracefully unprepared I was. I actually sat down with her one day, during the exam period, and told her, in all honesty, that I may fail at least one subject and I'm really sorry*.

Let's not forget the mini nervous breakdown I had the night before the last paper (I actually cried. Like, "why, God, why", clutching-my-pillow-in-fetal-position cried.) when it finally fell on me that there was no way I could finish every topic of that subject in one night- no matter how hard I would try, or how little sleep I would get. So, being a reasonable creature of rerum natura with sound mind, I decided to rely upon good ol' logic: out of the x number of questions coming out and the y number of questions I needed to answer, there is a definite possibility that at least z number of questions based on the topics we studied in the first semester would come out, so I only prepared for those topics. (Or most of them, at least.) I was almost late for that paper, but I was quite satisfied when I left the exam hall then, and I am quite satisfied with my grade now.

I am, however, somewhat pissed that I didn't get at least one First Class (equivalent to an A), but I got rather high passes and a small part of me knows that I don't actually deserve them. My sister pulled the "You're not family!" card when I told her I didn't get any As. Blegggh. :P

So, yes, enough nerdy school-related psychobabble. Bottom line: I'm really glad.

and i can't take to the sky,
before i like it on the ground.
-- KT Tunstall, "Miniature Disasters"

* Excuse the melodrama, but failing is a big deal. I've never failed anything or gotten anything lower than a C since Form 4 Physics**, so I felt obliged to at least warn my mum about the foreseeable disappointment.
** Unless you count the mock exam earlier this year and getting 40-something for one Crime assignment, which you shouldn't. ^_^

P.S. To the kids of Taylor's-Reading Cohort 1 06/07: Congrats on a job well done! And for those of you who failed, work harder next time, okay? First year doesn't count! Love all you guys. ♥

finals!

2008-06-16T19:56:00.010+08:00

Finals results will be out 4 PM Greenwich Mean Time, which means 11 PM here. Knowing Reading, I doubt they'll be very punctual, though. :)

Wish me luck and all that ~~jests~~ jazz!

EDIT:

11:04 PM
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime.

Reading sucks cock. I'm fucking serious.

12:20 AM
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime.

I need to kill someone.

1:23 AM
The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to maintenance downtime.

Still. Not. Giving. Up.

2:07 AM
An error occurred which prevented the execution of your request.

(Problem-specific error page not found)

Error details :
Middleware : UV8
Error# : Failure in the connection to the UNIFACE Application Server
Error Text : TCP/IP Error. The system returned: "Connection reset by peer: socket write error".

Please contact your system administrator.

Is it too late to change universities?

you'll be my living legacy

2008-06-12T16:49:00.008+08:00

I finished Crisis Core.

And I fucking cried.

For a PSP game.

One which I already knew the ending of.

... :'(

"hey,
would you say i became a hero?"
-- Zack Fair, Crisis Core -Final Fantasy VII-

little boys in wards = not a pretty picture, part two

2008-06-12T14:25:00.006+08:00

Irfan got out of the hospital yesterday after a three-day stay. It probably traumatized him for life- everytime a nurse or a doctor (or even the cleaner lady who comes in to collect the garbage!) comes into the room, even if it's just the check his IV drip, he would cry really, really bad. He's back to his old self again now that he's home.

He now needs to see a doctor in IJN. I don't think it's anything serious, he just needs a simple procedure done. My family is keeping this a secret from my grandmother, though, since she's prone to panic. :P

That being said, I need to get out of the house. Seriously. Before I chew my wrist to death.

"drink?"
"i don't drink."
"do you eat?"
"not often."
-- Daniel Meade and Grace Chin, Ugly Betty

frankly, hun, i don't give a rat's ass

2008-06-09T12:17:00.010+08:00

My ex called yesterday. I hate that despite my best intentions, he refuses to stay in touch- yet he would call whenever he feels like it and talk to me like I still "care" about him; and he's offended by every trace of not-caring he gets from me.

It's pathetic.

if you're missing me,
you'd better keep it to yourself.
-- Taylor Swift, "Picture To Burn"

little boys in wards = not a pretty picture

2008-06-09T09:53:00.000+08:00

Irfan has been sick since like, last week. The poor thing had coughs and kept vomiting his milk at night, so when his mummy and I went to take him to Damansara Specialist for his chickenpox vaccination appointment, we consulted his paediatrician about it. We thought he could be lactose intolerant, since he just turned one last month and he switched from formula to cow milk. But, as always, the doctor would say that "Nothing is wrong" and "Don't worry about it" and "He probably doesn't like the milk you're giving him"- and his diagnosis would be based on what we say alone; no tests, no checking, nothing.

What's annoying is, he's supposed to be pretty good (the paediatrician, that is). After the visit, when Irfan is still chucking milk goo (he would cry, then when he sees the vomit he would point and go, "Eeeee!" all disgusted, like he always does to anything he disapproves of. Damn cute lah that boy.), my mum took him to Subang Jaya Medical instead.

I wasn't sure how thorough this examination was compared to the previous, but my mum told me that the doctor said that Irfan doesn't like the milk he's been drinking, so we should get him some other brand or whatever. My mum asked, how're you supposed to know which milk he'd like? And the doctor, kindly, replied, "Trial and error. :)"

Me: (WTF!) How much did you have to pay him just for him to say that?
Mum: Forty-three bucks. Senang, kan, jadi doctor?

So Irfan's mummy changed his milk but the vomiting persists and he caught a fever about two days ago. Since he didn't get better even after the medication (Irfan being Irfan, he was too smug to act sick. He was as playful and tak duduk diam as ever- the only difference was he stopped eating), my mum took him to Subang again last night. This time, he was admitted.

Can you imagine, that teeny ball of a person, being hospitalized? With IV drips and whatnot, and he would cry every time he sees a nurse. (He's been afraid of nurses/doctors/hospitals since he was about...five months old? He associates them with shots, since he used to have to get vaccinated every month.) His mummy is taking days off work and staying there with him. I haven't seen him since he went to the hospital, so my mum and I are going to visit later.

On a lighter note: oddly, my life (and the life of the people around me) seem to revolve around electronics lately.

1. I have no idea how or when, but I lost the USB cable for my Cybershot (aka The Pretty Pink Camera). Needless to say, I was devastated. Like, for realz. The cable came with a USB adaptor, because, for some reason, Sony decided to make the port different from the standard ones, so I couldn't just use any other cable or buy a new one off-the-shelf. Oh no, I have to call the Spare Parts Centre, go there (it's somewhere in Mid Valley?) and get it there, and only there. Wonderful. I can't even use a card reader to transfer pics because my camera has built-in memory instead of a memory card. Wonderful.

2. My mum bought herself a htc PDA phone. My mum is totally a phone person- she loves getting all the new, fancy phones. The thing is, as fancy as her phones are, she doesn't really, like, need them? I mean, look at her current phone: it's a Sony Walkman, yet she hardly uses it to listen to music. She's retired and she doesn't really use mobile internet, so why would she need a PDA? She just likes them cause they're pretty. D': I'm not complaining, though- as long as she's happy, and I'll be the one getting her hand-me-downs anyway. :D

3. My mum bought my younger-elder brother his second PSP yesterday- the first one got stolen (among other things) last year when our house was broken into. Now both my brothers have a PS2 and a PSP each. Life is unfair, much? I don't even get enough allowance money to eat for a whole month. Heck, it's already the 9th, and I haven't even gotten my allowance for this month. Still, I'm not complaining (yes, I am. Shut up.), because my eldest brother (Irfan's papa) is a fickle money-waster; he likes owning everything and having them handy from time to time (for, say, to take during a boring business trip?), so although he owns a PSP and a PS2 he hardly ever plays them. Naturally, they're both in my possession at the moment. ;p

4. My laptop (which my sister and I affectionately named Oldie, cause it's big and bulky and looks really old school- in a non-flattering way, that is) broke a few months ago, so I've been temporarily using my sister's other laptop. Fast forward to last night, my sister's boyfriend fixed it. :') Despite restoring my personal stuff, all the softwares (MS Office, Photoshop, iTunes, codecs, etc.) didn't survive the reformat, so I'm ~~downloading~~ installing them now. The bad news: the laptop I've been using all this while is my younger-elder brother's now. Why does he have everything? Why why why? (Oh, and Dhiv, so it is possible to fix your laptop and still keep your stuff!)

I wanna see Irfan. :(

"a tiny little wish, that's all."
"they're tiny, but you have lots, right?"
-- Aerith Gainsborough and Zack Fair, Crisis Core -Final Fantasy VII-

me so angry with me university

2008-06-04T03:39:00.007+08:00

Good God, Reading (the University of) keeps giving me one "technical difficulty" after another! They really need to keep their system in check- it's problem after problem after problem since I started. Worst part is, when you ask for help, the kind of respond you'll get is either the equivelance of a "err, say what?" face (this one --> o_O;;;) or a "that's your problem, man" face. (this one --> ;P)

I wasn't able to submit my choice for next year's subjects due to some weird error and now the window for module selection is closed. Lovely. Contacting them didn't help (they did apologize for not being able to "help any further", though- that was nice), so I tried our local Head.

Seriously, though: if the high-tech, ~ICT~ way of doing simple things like submitting subject choices and quiz marks is going to cause so much trouble, why don't they just do things the good ol' fashioned way? Buat sakit hati jerrrr!

"welcome to the real world",

she said to me- condescendingly.

-- John Mayer, "No Such Thing"

i'm sarcastic when i'm being condescending

2008-06-02T22:08:00.003+08:00

I hate it when you throw angry, condescending sarcasm to someone but they don't get it and think you're being nice or you actually meant what you said.

after the last breakfast

2008-06-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

You went home today.
I miss you alreadyyyyyyyyyy.
Balik PJ soon, okay?

Lol, this pic is so old and so unflattering. D:

P.S. See, my layout's colours aren't too light anymore. :)

our love surpassed; our love is so fast,
our love's all wrong– our love goes on and on.

-- Rhett Miller, "Our Love"

in retrospect: may '08

2008-06-01T15:13:00.000+08:00

My adorable, genius nephew, Irfan turned one on the 4th. ♥
We, of course, had to celebrate.

We had a Barney cake, Barney the plushie joined in, and a Barney's Birthday DVD was playing when we sang Happy Birthday. Little Boy loves his Barney. And he loved that cake! My mum's birthday was two days after that, and my grandfather's was two days after my mum's.

I had finals on the 12th to the 19th. This is how my "study table" looks like through out the semester, during study break, during exams and today- abandoned; every inch scattered with books, notes and other junk. So I don't really have to explain how much I didn't study, do I? I actually don't mind re-sitting for the papers (provided I didn't fail all lah!), since first year doesn't count and it would give me a well-deserved slap in the face.

I turned 19 on the 19th, so after the last paper we had a party at Chia Ern's place. Tons of fun. :)

It was organized by the sweetest, bestestnest, air banding, Chinaman-slanged, galah boyfriend ever. ♥

Then Daniel went home to Penang and I was sad. :(

So I devoted my time to the PS2 and finished playing Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, which I started playing during the exams. (Shh! Don't judge!) It was pretty bland, to be honest.

Then since I finished the game and didn't know what else to do with my time, I decided to replay Kingdom Hearts, after what, five years? God, I feel old.

Then Daniel came back for a few days! But I hardly got to see him, so I was sad again. :(

So I downloaded and played Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII on my brother's PSP- and it's awesome, btw. :'D

Then on the 30th I could do at least one of three things:
1. Follow my parents for a mini weekend trip to Kuala Terengganu;
2. Finally, finally, finally go out with Yvonne and Dea. Like, TOGETHER, the three of us; and/or
3. Go to the Law Annual Dinner, albeit it's "casual"- I mean, seriously? Wasn't it supposed to be a Law Ball?

But despite being super excited (for #2) and semi-prepared (for #3) I chose to do none. Guess I wasn't having a very good day?

There's still three months left of summer hols, though. :')

they love to tell you: stay inside the lines,

but some things're better on the other side.

-- John Mayer, "No Such Thing"

new beginnings?

2008-06-01T13:12:00.000+08:00

New blog. :)
Because (apparently) LJ is dead.

and she may cry like a baby,

and she may drive me crazy,

'cause i am, lately, lonely.

-- Damien Rice, "Elephant"